Monday, December 15, 2008

I Got Really Mad Today And Now I Feel Really Bad. :(

(first of all, i've posted more on my writing blog. so check my links and go to it and read! thanks!)

So I have this issue with certain noises because I have advaced, special hearing that I can't stand. Like people's chewing, for instance. I. Can't. Stand. The sound of someone smacking on their gum! And people with colds. They sniff, they cough, you feel like you wanna just hit them or something because they won't freaking blow their nose.

I guess it could be compared to fingernails on a chalkboard. We all know how that sounds. Now imagine every bodily noise other than talking sounding like that. Chewing, blowing noses, sniffing, coughing, doing that annoying boom-chicka-boom-boom guys are doing these days with their mouth, and then there's eating out of chip bags. The crinkling. It's irritating.

Never, ever, joke about any of these things with me because chances are I am going to hit you with all my might. Like, not what I do to Michael in art; playful punching. This is full on "i'm gonna kill you" punching and I do it until you stop.

So my brother has a cold, and he is now sniffing and snorting, and coughing to the extent that i feel like punching him with all my might. And he's doing this in the car!
And then he starts chewing his gum with his mouth open, smacking annoyingly.
So I ask him. "What are you eating?"
"Can you maybe not smack, and chew with your mouth closed?"
"Why does this bother you so much?"
"It just does," I retort angrily. "Now can you please just stop before I hit you?"
Then mom pipes up from the front seat. "Steph, would it kill you to just let it go?"
That's IT. "Look. I. Can't. Help. If. This. Makes. Me. Mad!!! I can't help it if I was born with freaking amazing hearing!! I want it gone. I don't care if God gave it to me for some ability, I DON'T NEED IT!!"
Daniel thinks this is a great time to come it, "Grumpy gills?"
I glare angrily, clenching my fists.
Kristen, "It's not very nice."
"Can we try and be happy?" Daniel asks in a chipper voice.
Daniel, offended. "But can't you be nice?" Chipper, chipper, chipper.
"STOP GIVING ME SO MUCH FREAKING CRAP ABOUT IT!!" I shout at him, "You always do this! Every time I get mad, you always just try and make me hit you! You try!"
"I do not!"
"You do! I HATE IT! It just makes me want to hit you! You want me to get in trouble!"
"No I don't!" Oh, so innocent. }:K
Mom hates it when i'm this mad. "Have you prayed for it to go away? You need to control your anger better. Are you just going to be this way all your life?"
"Sure! God won't take it away! What can I do? Pretend it doesn't happen? I can't do that!"
"You need to be in better control of your anger."
"Have you prayed about it today?"
I stop my rant, heart beating loudly in my throat. "" I say quietly.
The car ride is silent from there until I got home. When I got out, I didn't talk to anybody, I didn't even say 'hi' to Bo. I still haven't talked to anybody.

Now i feel aweful.


ruby said...

im sorry steph. i think its ok to blow off steam. your bro should have listened to your request and stopped.
its sucks you got that mad. at least you aren't like that alot. i get like that once or twice a week, not kidding.
i hope you feel better


p.s when do ye relatives come town

Kristina said...

well that SUCKS, i've got the same problem!! like in LA 2day this kid was chomping his gum, and some one was doing that bird noise, and this kid had the most annoying shoes on that squeaked in that really quiet annoying way, and the guy that sits next to me kept burping and i was about to scream and run out of the room 'cause i could hear everything!!! but i just sat there and tried to breathe normaly and did my vocab test.

we're free at last!!!

yesyesyesyesyesysyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes!!!!! HAPPY DAY. :) :) :)

Steph said...